We Were Never Just Watching: Reality TV Was Our Masking Classroom

Think about every show you watched obsessively as a kid or teenager. The Disney Channel lineup. MTV at its messy peak. The Real Housewives in whatever city first pulled you in. The gossip magazines you'd read cover to cover. The music videos you'd rewind just to clock what she was wearing, how she moved, what made her magnetic.

Now ask yourself honestly: were you entertained? Or were you taking notes?

Because I was taking notes. I didn't have a word for it then. I just knew I was paying very close attention — to what made people likeable, what made conflict explode, what fashion signaled status, what behavior got rewarded. I was running social scenarios through a very specific kind of internal processor. And it wasn't until I started understanding my own neurodivergence that I realized: I wasn't just watching. I was preparing.

In This Article

Before we go further — what does masking actually mean? Because it's more layered than just "hiding that you're autistic."

Researchers define autistic camouflaging as the strategies used to suppress or hide autistic traits to appear neurotypical.^[1] But the clinical definition breaks it into three distinct components, each doing different work:

And for Black neurodivergent women, researchers have identified something they call the dual masking phenomenon — the experience of simultaneously masking autistic traits and code-switching to navigate racialized environments.^[2] Two full-time invisible performances. Zero acknowledgment. Zero compensation.

2.5×

The Diagnostic Gap

Standard autism assessment tools exclude autistic women at a rate over 2.5 times higher than autistic men — because those tools were built around male presentations. Our masking works so well it literally hides us from the people who could help.^[3]

Here's what gets missed when we talk about masking: we focus almost entirely on the suppression side — what we hide, what we hold back, what we perform. But masking requires input. You cannot mimic what you haven't observed. You cannot script conversations you've never witnessed. You cannot assimilate into a social world you haven't studied.

So where did neurodivergent girls get their material?

Every morning, financial news follows the same script. Headlines panic, coverage catastrophises, and somewhere inside the noise is the story that actually matters — the one that tells you where the opportunity sits, not just where the fear is pointing.

Most sources have stopped looking. The alarm is easier to sell.

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I love reality TV. Not because I think the behavior on screen is aspirational — the older I get, the more I clock how messy and sometimes genuinely harmful the dynamics are. But that critical eye is part of it. I'm not watching to idolize. I'm watching to understand.

The gorgeous houses, the fashion, the glimpse into a kind of life I always wanted — yes, that's real escapism and it's valid. But underneath that is something more functional. I am watching social situations play out in a controlled environment where I have no skin in the game. I can pause. Rewind. Think about what just happened and why. Nobody is waiting for me to respond in real time.

That is not something neurotypical leisure usually needs to provide. But for a neurodivergent brain that finds real-time social navigation genuinely exhausting, reality TV offers something specific: restoration and research at the same time.

The Research Connection

Researchers confirm that autistic women score significantly higher on the compensation subscale of camouflaging measures — meaning we are more likely to build elaborate social workaround systems than to simply suppress traits outright.^[4] Pop culture obsessions that look like passive hobbies are often active, purposeful compensation strategies.

Here's what's genuinely strange about where we are now: the survival strategy that neurodivergent people developed out of necessity has become the dominant logic of the entire internet.

Someone finds an aesthetic that gets engagement. They repeat it. Others study them and mirror it. The algorithm rewards the repetition. Soon everyone in that corner of the internet sounds like a slightly less original version of whoever first figured out the formula. Find the trending video. Mimic what worked. Rinse and repeat — until the copy overtakes the source.

We are all, collectively, being trained to assimilate toward whatever aesthetic gets the most approval from an algorithm that doesn't care about authenticity — only engagement. And the people who've been doing this their entire lives just to survive a room are watching the whole world finally catch up and calling it content strategy.

Here's the part that still makes me pause every time I read it.

Autism research has historically centered white male experiences — which means the masking strategies that women and girls developed were largely invisible to clinicians for decades. Standard diagnostic tools still exclude autistic females at a rate 2.5 times higher than autistic males,^[3] partly because our camouflaging works so well the traits assessors look for simply don't show up.

And for Black autistic women specifically, that gap runs even deeper. Across 77 years of autism research, only three studies ever foregrounded Black autistic women and girls — and none addressed intersectionality.^[5] A 2025 UK study developed a brand new analytical framework called Kaleidoscope Analysis specifically for Black autistic girls because no existing tool was adequate to hold the full picture of that experience.^[6]

Which means the stories neurodivergent women of all backgrounds have been telling themselves about why we loved certain shows, why we memorized certain songs, why we studied certain people — those stories are data that hasn't been properly collected yet. For some of us, that data has never been collected at all.

This is a start.

Why do neurodivergent women love reality TV?

Many neurodivergent women are drawn to reality TV because it provides a safe, low-stakes environment to study social dynamics. Autistic and ADHD women often use what researchers call compensation — building social scripts and mental reference libraries of human behavior. Reality TV offers a controlled space to observe conflict, relationships, and social norms without the pressure of real-time interaction or social consequences.

What is social scripting in autism?

Social scripting is a compensation strategy used by many autistic people where they memorize or rehearse conversational responses and reactions in advance. It's one of three components of camouflaging identified by researchers, alongside masking and assimilation. Many autistic women develop social scripts by observing media — TV shows, films, reality TV, and social media — and filing those observations away for real-life use.

What does masking mean for autistic women?

Masking for autistic women refers to the active suppression of autistic characteristics to appear neurotypical. Researchers break camouflaging into three strategies: masking (hiding traits), compensation (developing workarounds), and assimilation (mirroring others). Autistic women are significantly more likely to camouflage than autistic men, which is a leading reason why women are diagnosed later in life or missed entirely.

What is dual masking and who experiences it?

Dual masking refers to the experience of simultaneously masking autistic traits and code-switching to navigate environments shaped by additional social pressures — most commonly documented in Black autistic individuals who mask both neurodivergence and Blackness simultaneously. Researchers have named this the dual masking phenomenon and note it significantly intensifies the mental health costs of camouflaging.

Why has autism research missed so many women?

Autism research has historically centered white male presentations, meaning the tools used to diagnose autism were built around a narrow profile. Standard diagnostic measures exclude autistic females at a rate 2.5 times higher than autistic males — partly because autistic women camouflage so effectively. For Black autistic women specifically, a landmark 2021 scoping review found that across 77 years of autism research, only three studies foregrounded their experiences at all.

Why are special interests in pop culture common for neurodivergent women?

Special interests in pop culture, fashion, celebrity news, and reality TV are common among neurodivergent women partly because they serve a functional purpose beyond entertainment. These interests often represent active compensation — building a reference library of social behaviors and norms that can be drawn upon in real-life situations. What appears to be a passive hobby is frequently purposeful, active social learning.

Up Next in the Masking Series

Part II: The Three Masks. We named them — masking, compensation, and assimilation. Now let's go deep on each one, what they actually look like in a neurodivergent woman's life, and what the research says about the cost of running all three at once — including an additional layer specific to Black autistic women.